My son called me today and in the course of the conversation, my son called into question my dependability. Now at my age I can forget, for a day but it never caused late fees or any other repercussions. To be honest I have been making lists of things to do for several years. That is why I set the day to do things a couple of days in advance in case life or my memory get in the way.
My initial reaction was to get a little pissy, but then it crash landed on my head. I have my son, alive, to get pissy with. He is doing pretty good all things considered. I am proud of him, but if you read one of the previous posts, it's waiting for the other shoe to fall and praying to our higher power that it doesn't.
I would like to tell addicts that as far down in their addiction they went, so did their families. There are days that I am taking it one minute at a time. Some days are pretty stable, then others are a rollercoaster ride, then some are a combination of both.. It isn't so much as to what happens, but the emotional reactions to what happens. There have literally been days where I was so proud one minute and ready to reach through the phone and shake the shit out of one of my kids the next.
Other emotions range from fear for your child to sorrow that they are walking this path and as adults there is very little I can do. Thoughts run through your head what can I do, what should I do as a parent and finally what should I do as a responsible citizen. Yes, I have turned my son in. In all honesty I cannot claim it was tough love. I was trying to get him off the street. As my kids would say, "that's messed up."
The only thing I hope we can accomplish upon recovery is to remember the times we all got frustrated, angry, or hurt but we were still there in the end. We all made it, maybe a little battered and bruised but in tact and a family. The only way I know to get there is to try and be patient with my kids and husband. Keep up with my quiet time so I can process information. I am currently going to be doing the yard work and a garden.
During all the outside time, the dogs love it. This gives me time to work on their obedience and boundaries. Since all the yard work and things, I hope to post at least on Friday's. That is a day I have given myself permission to take the day for me...somewhat anyway.
Sincerely
Love and Prayers to you all
Katie
Friday, May 26, 2017
Monday, May 22, 2017
Meanwhile Back at the Farm
Well it looks like my husband will have to have 2 surgeries. One on his back and one on his shoulder. There were a lot of other things that we had planned on doing...this wasn't one of them. Unfortunately, one of the surgeries will be slow recovery time. It seems like if it's not one thing it's ten others sometimes.
My children continue to be in my prayers. I pray the higher power will open their hearts and give them the strength they need for success. Understand I am no theocrat and in no way judgmental in who or what you believe in. I'm just happy if you have something to believe in. As their mom, I always celebrate their victories and am devastated if they fail. I don't always voice my joy, I admit I am waiting for the other shoe to fall, for things to go terribly wrong again. My reactions to failure have ranged from tears to anger, and even snide comments by me. Through it all I can only say for any certainty that I am evolving as a person. I will continue to have successes and my own failures and I hope my kids can bear with me. My love never diminished, my belief in your ability to beat this addiction never waivered, but my trust in you has been crumbled and will take time to rebuild.
Sincerely
Katie
My children continue to be in my prayers. I pray the higher power will open their hearts and give them the strength they need for success. Understand I am no theocrat and in no way judgmental in who or what you believe in. I'm just happy if you have something to believe in. As their mom, I always celebrate their victories and am devastated if they fail. I don't always voice my joy, I admit I am waiting for the other shoe to fall, for things to go terribly wrong again. My reactions to failure have ranged from tears to anger, and even snide comments by me. Through it all I can only say for any certainty that I am evolving as a person. I will continue to have successes and my own failures and I hope my kids can bear with me. My love never diminished, my belief in your ability to beat this addiction never waivered, but my trust in you has been crumbled and will take time to rebuild.
Sincerely
Katie
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Today
Today both of my children are doing a treatment of sorts. With my 1st child, I have not heard from her in several months. She called and is 3 weeks off heroin as of last night she was having some emotional issues. She wanted to get off the phone to get herself under control. I still haven't heard back from her and I can tell you that I am more than a little worried.
At his point in her recovery, I don't know if I should continue to call or give her space to breathe. Last evening she asked me to tell her that I loved her. Well, I can assure you I do love her. The only thing we wish for her is a safe place and people around her who love and uplift her. She has that from what I understand. There is a friend and they are working together to get off heroin.
The process of getting off heroin is pretty brutal and she is taking Saboxin (I have no idea if that is spelled right). Seizures are the worst. So at this point I have no idea if she is having a medical issue or if she has relapsed or just needs time to reflect on what is going on. If she has relapsed, I still love my daughter and will be there for her when she calls.
No, I can't give money because of the trust issues between us. But, I can be there to listen. Right now I don't really think we can talk about some things; I feel that there is some emotional healing that she needs before w can go there. Mind you I have no idea if I'm correct in that feeling. It just makes sense to me that she would need to feel stronger emotionally to deal with her feelings.
My son is in an outpatient treatment program, actually I think he is dealing with more mental health issues than addiction. I mean it's all interconnected, but he hasn't used anything in about 2 months. He has an apartment and job he enjoys. It is my sincere hope that he will use this time to deal with triggers and how to cope with them. We talk, actually he has been calling his dad more. But I will listen to him if he needs to talk.
My kids mean the world to me and I pray everyday that their lives will get better. If it does, it will be due to their hard work.
Sincerely,
Katie
At his point in her recovery, I don't know if I should continue to call or give her space to breathe. Last evening she asked me to tell her that I loved her. Well, I can assure you I do love her. The only thing we wish for her is a safe place and people around her who love and uplift her. She has that from what I understand. There is a friend and they are working together to get off heroin.
The process of getting off heroin is pretty brutal and she is taking Saboxin (I have no idea if that is spelled right). Seizures are the worst. So at this point I have no idea if she is having a medical issue or if she has relapsed or just needs time to reflect on what is going on. If she has relapsed, I still love my daughter and will be there for her when she calls.
No, I can't give money because of the trust issues between us. But, I can be there to listen. Right now I don't really think we can talk about some things; I feel that there is some emotional healing that she needs before w can go there. Mind you I have no idea if I'm correct in that feeling. It just makes sense to me that she would need to feel stronger emotionally to deal with her feelings.
My son is in an outpatient treatment program, actually I think he is dealing with more mental health issues than addiction. I mean it's all interconnected, but he hasn't used anything in about 2 months. He has an apartment and job he enjoys. It is my sincere hope that he will use this time to deal with triggers and how to cope with them. We talk, actually he has been calling his dad more. But I will listen to him if he needs to talk.
My kids mean the world to me and I pray everyday that their lives will get better. If it does, it will be due to their hard work.
Sincerely,
Katie
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Communication
I have been thinking about this blog and how much to share. One of the last posts talked about my relationship with my husband. After much consideration, I have decided that so much of what we experience shape how we react to one another. There are days when I am not fit company for man nor beast and he has those days too. Then when you have addiction issues crop up, it can't help but impact your other relationships.
One day several years ago now, my husband and I were at odds with each other. He finally blurted out that many years before that I had told our child that they didn't have to listen to him. Well that isn't exactly what I said. I said that they didn't have to listen to him, BUT be prepared to be in trouble all the time. Of course that child was living at home and in school, but that and several other miss queues and we now are each others witnesses, i.e. we may not choose to talk but we do listen to the conversations.
Communication is a huge issue. There have been times when I have been so upset with my husband, and the last paragraph shows that my husband has felt the same, that I could have choked him. When your child is calling with another creative reason to get money, or they are in jail, it's kind of hard to hear what is being said with so many voices floating around in your mind. Just from my own experience, I can't talk it through right in the moment, I need time to process. My husband and I have talked about our differing needs. I won't at we get it right all the time but it is working much better.
One day several years ago now, my husband and I were at odds with each other. He finally blurted out that many years before that I had told our child that they didn't have to listen to him. Well that isn't exactly what I said. I said that they didn't have to listen to him, BUT be prepared to be in trouble all the time. Of course that child was living at home and in school, but that and several other miss queues and we now are each others witnesses, i.e. we may not choose to talk but we do listen to the conversations.
Communication is a huge issue. There have been times when I have been so upset with my husband, and the last paragraph shows that my husband has felt the same, that I could have choked him. When your child is calling with another creative reason to get money, or they are in jail, it's kind of hard to hear what is being said with so many voices floating around in your mind. Just from my own experience, I can't talk it through right in the moment, I need time to process. My husband and I have talked about our differing needs. I won't at we get it right all the time but it is working much better.
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Find Some Joy Today
Well I got confirmation that some of my worst fears were happening with my oldest child. I was prepared for a phone call that hasn't happened yet. At the same time there is a difference between suspecting something is true and knowing it to be fact. I suppose it is a form of denial. There is also a certain amount of depression that goes with it. At this point the remedy is more playing with the dogs and I have my granddaughter with me.
One thing I have learned on this journey, is to take the joy where you can get it. My granddaughter is so fun, we are setting up a playhouse. At night we take a spa, last night we used a mud mask...she is 4, almost 5. Her manners are coming along wonderfully. Yesterday evening, she needed to interrupt a conversation and remembered to say excuse me...YES! After our spa we get into bed and watch Rugrats. No, we don't always get to bed on time...OK rarely do we get to bed on time, but we shut it down by 10:30. We have also come up with my super-duper margaritas for 4 and 5 year olds. The sauce is Sprite mixed half and half with the margarita mix. I hope it's a no-brainer, but, NO Tequila.
There are sounds of waking up from the bedroom. That means breakfast soon. I hope you all can find some joy today.
Katie
One thing I have learned on this journey, is to take the joy where you can get it. My granddaughter is so fun, we are setting up a playhouse. At night we take a spa, last night we used a mud mask...she is 4, almost 5. Her manners are coming along wonderfully. Yesterday evening, she needed to interrupt a conversation and remembered to say excuse me...YES! After our spa we get into bed and watch Rugrats. No, we don't always get to bed on time...OK rarely do we get to bed on time, but we shut it down by 10:30. We have also come up with my super-duper margaritas for 4 and 5 year olds. The sauce is Sprite mixed half and half with the margarita mix. I hope it's a no-brainer, but, NO Tequila.
There are sounds of waking up from the bedroom. That means breakfast soon. I hope you all can find some joy today.
Katie
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Life Goes On And/Or Stepping Back
Then:
I got interrupted trying to spend time with my husband. I'm going to have to be blunt with him. Poor things has a chronic medical issue and doesn't handle stress very well. And even if he weren't disabled, we would have to still try to work on our relationship. I nee my alone time too. I can process things much faster this way. I get tired easily and the stress doesn't help.
No word from one child. The other, in treatment, called and was pretty shitty on the phone. That child wasn't going to call us again. That lasted until the next morning and again that evening. The call was a bit more cordial. I am choosing to let my husband handle the phone calls. I just let him know that I am at my BS limit.
Now:
This was my 1st lesson in just stepping away. It was the 1st time that I have actually had the time to process the information and go through the emotional. I do realize that the only person that was stopping me was me. Of course, many people are dealing with aged parents and young adult children. The luxury of time to process just isn't available. So we try to reason through it, but reason and common sense goes right out the window when dealing with addiction. That isn't to say that I have left my husband hanging out there on his own. We do listen to the conversation, whether or not we wish to participate. My husband and I know what the other has said and it can't be taken out of context or used as insinuations.
My husband and I do try to make time for each other. Right now it's Dr. appointments. We try to laugh at things life throws at us. I know my husband is a complete goober sometimes, but he is MY goober. Partners will understand that last comment. I actually debated whether or not to put this in the blog, but we do have other relationships that we need to nourish. It occurred to me that I'm not the only one dealing with this either and it might help someone to see my own journey with my partner too. I suppose this was my 2nd lesson for this session.
I got interrupted trying to spend time with my husband. I'm going to have to be blunt with him. Poor things has a chronic medical issue and doesn't handle stress very well. And even if he weren't disabled, we would have to still try to work on our relationship. I nee my alone time too. I can process things much faster this way. I get tired easily and the stress doesn't help.
No word from one child. The other, in treatment, called and was pretty shitty on the phone. That child wasn't going to call us again. That lasted until the next morning and again that evening. The call was a bit more cordial. I am choosing to let my husband handle the phone calls. I just let him know that I am at my BS limit.
Now:
This was my 1st lesson in just stepping away. It was the 1st time that I have actually had the time to process the information and go through the emotional. I do realize that the only person that was stopping me was me. Of course, many people are dealing with aged parents and young adult children. The luxury of time to process just isn't available. So we try to reason through it, but reason and common sense goes right out the window when dealing with addiction. That isn't to say that I have left my husband hanging out there on his own. We do listen to the conversation, whether or not we wish to participate. My husband and I know what the other has said and it can't be taken out of context or used as insinuations.
My husband and I do try to make time for each other. Right now it's Dr. appointments. We try to laugh at things life throws at us. I know my husband is a complete goober sometimes, but he is MY goober. Partners will understand that last comment. I actually debated whether or not to put this in the blog, but we do have other relationships that we need to nourish. It occurred to me that I'm not the only one dealing with this either and it might help someone to see my own journey with my partner too. I suppose this was my 2nd lesson for this session.
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Down the Rabbit Hole
Then:
As it turns out, I have quite a lot to say about the kids. What does it say that I would rather go to Standing Rock and risk getting shot with a water cannon or rubber bullets or have dogs attacking me, than help my kids right now. Each one of my children are the first to criticize their siblings.
Now:
I don't feel quite so dramatic now. At the time there were so many things going on at once. Of course being critical of the other saying well I may do this but I don't do that. The this and that's just get wilder and wilder as we go down this rabbit hole. I have heard some pretty wild crap over the years.
As it turns out, I have quite a lot to say about the kids. What does it say that I would rather go to Standing Rock and risk getting shot with a water cannon or rubber bullets or have dogs attacking me, than help my kids right now. Each one of my children are the first to criticize their siblings.
Now:
I don't feel quite so dramatic now. At the time there were so many things going on at once. Of course being critical of the other saying well I may do this but I don't do that. The this and that's just get wilder and wilder as we go down this rabbit hole. I have heard some pretty wild crap over the years.
- Their kids need medical care
- Their kids need medicine
- Homelessness
- Assaulted
- Kidnapped
- They're really sick with a serious disease
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Wow, the Last Month has Been a Bitch
Then:
I got to thinking and I realized that I am at the end of what I can deal with. After years of dealing with this shit, I can't do this anymore. They say that God or your higher power never gives you more than you can handle. I sure hope that is true because the way I feel now, it has to get better. So I am going to start journaling this whole experience. Maybe when reviewing I can see what works and what doesn't.
Both kids are addicts, one is currently in county jail and the other has relapsed for the third time. Both have children, which I worry about.
Now:
I still have some of the same anxieties. I wonder how this plays out in the mind of the addict. Understand I don't mean any disrespect, I truly want to learn. My kids call me hippie and tree hugger, and, yes, I am. But I do want to try to understand from someone who has walked in those shoes. I have my own demons and I do understand the ,"AWWW to hell with it," attitude.
I got to thinking and I realized that I am at the end of what I can deal with. After years of dealing with this shit, I can't do this anymore. They say that God or your higher power never gives you more than you can handle. I sure hope that is true because the way I feel now, it has to get better. So I am going to start journaling this whole experience. Maybe when reviewing I can see what works and what doesn't.
Both kids are addicts, one is currently in county jail and the other has relapsed for the third time. Both have children, which I worry about.
Now:
I still have some of the same anxieties. I wonder how this plays out in the mind of the addict. Understand I don't mean any disrespect, I truly want to learn. My kids call me hippie and tree hugger, and, yes, I am. But I do want to try to understand from someone who has walked in those shoes. I have my own demons and I do understand the ,"AWWW to hell with it," attitude.
Why Post to This Blog
I asked myself, "Why would people confide things on my blog or even participate?" After a bit I decided to open up more on the blog. I will be posting some of my older journaling. My goal is to show what my journey was like and how I felt at the time. Understand that I will not be sharing names or extremely sensitive information. I would recommend that any potential comments refrain as well. There will be posts on how I have changed my views or not and try to explain how I got here.
My political opinions or groups that I support are just that, MINE.
Let me be perfectly clear that my posts will be edited so that the posts only reflect my opinion. I will do my best to filter out any assumed opinions or how others felt. The only person I can represent is myself and do not presume to know what is going on in someone else's mind. Public assumptions can lead to feelings of accusation and I feel would inhibit true communication.
It is my hope that we can all talk to each other in a positive manner. And, I do reserve the right to block those who seek to be disruptive or disrespectful. If you think I'm stupid, then tell me why.
Sincerely,
Katie
My political opinions or groups that I support are just that, MINE.
Let me be perfectly clear that my posts will be edited so that the posts only reflect my opinion. I will do my best to filter out any assumed opinions or how others felt. The only person I can represent is myself and do not presume to know what is going on in someone else's mind. Public assumptions can lead to feelings of accusation and I feel would inhibit true communication.
It is my hope that we can all talk to each other in a positive manner. And, I do reserve the right to block those who seek to be disruptive or disrespectful. If you think I'm stupid, then tell me why.
Sincerely,
Katie
Thursday, March 30, 2017
I found this website for low cost treatment programs. It lists facilities all across the country. The cost is between 2 to 5K.
http://interventionamerica.org/Inpatient_Rehab/
This website is for families to research what treatment facility would suit them best and also a guide of questions to ask your doctor.
https://www.drugabuse.gov/patients-families
http://interventionamerica.org/Inpatient_Rehab/
This website is for families to research what treatment facility would suit them best and also a guide of questions to ask your doctor.
https://www.drugabuse.gov/patients-families
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Addiction: Learning to Forget.
I got this video from this site:
http://www.nature.com/nature/outlook/addiction/#video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Dsg1ZObFo
This talks about relapses.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V_n3KZpmis
Stop Enabling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLrm4f51I5o
How to let go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRRaXaz-lXc
Thursday, March 23, 2017
For Profit Prison Systems
For profit prisons are not working for our country. First, the clothing has to be bought through their commissary system. From what I understand that is a company started and owned by Bob Barker, yes, I'm outing Bob. The problem is that the clothing doesn't last and costs much more than what you can buy it retail. If I bought something that only lasted 3 months I dang sure wouldn't buy anything from them again. Our prisoners don't have that choice. Now if that isn't the behavior Bob Barker condones, then he needs to step in and get better quality goods. I am giving him a chance to fix that problem.
Second, the medical care in the for profit prisons are lacking. There is no differentiating between a violent criminal, drug addicts, or individuals with mental illness. Everyone is lumped in together. There are very few programs to help inmates to better their lives. Why would you want a person to gain control over their lives if it meant they wouldn't come back like a revolving door. I mean there aren't many classes to help inmates get treatment for mental illness or addiction.
Thirdly, it has been proven that for profit prisons are not as safe as federally run prisons. There have been incidents where inmates are forced to fight, or fights break out and guards turn their backs. Guards have been paid off so drugs can be brought in...it's just a mess and there doesn't seem to be any oversight. As a reasonable person, I know this can't be all guards in the for profit prisons, but there are enough of them to give for profit prisons a bad name. And Jeff Sessions wants to INCREASE the for profit prisons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is he just that naïve or getting a campaign contributions from these corporations? I think we need to know what his motives are.
Unfortunately the whole DOJ seems to have gone crazy. Right now I just have the for profit prison experience. I am wondering if the Federal system is just as jacked up. If so then we need to start becoming active in making change. When I sent a Christmas card to my son it was sent back twice. Once because I used a red sharpie marker to write with. The next card was sent back because it had glitter on it. To be honest, I get it, I might have been sending drugs on the red or glittery part of the card. Until this experience, I wouldn't have been that creative but I suppose others are. So if the prison is going to be that picky about a Christmas card, then I think they could use that attention to detail to stop the other stuff and develop programs to help inmates from becoming repeat offenders.
http://www.salon.com/2013/09/23/6_shocking_revelations_about_how_private_prisons_make_money_partner/
I found this article to be really informative.
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/12/05/trump-sets-private-prisons-free
This article describes how it all works.
Second, the medical care in the for profit prisons are lacking. There is no differentiating between a violent criminal, drug addicts, or individuals with mental illness. Everyone is lumped in together. There are very few programs to help inmates to better their lives. Why would you want a person to gain control over their lives if it meant they wouldn't come back like a revolving door. I mean there aren't many classes to help inmates get treatment for mental illness or addiction.
Thirdly, it has been proven that for profit prisons are not as safe as federally run prisons. There have been incidents where inmates are forced to fight, or fights break out and guards turn their backs. Guards have been paid off so drugs can be brought in...it's just a mess and there doesn't seem to be any oversight. As a reasonable person, I know this can't be all guards in the for profit prisons, but there are enough of them to give for profit prisons a bad name. And Jeff Sessions wants to INCREASE the for profit prisons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is he just that naïve or getting a campaign contributions from these corporations? I think we need to know what his motives are.
Unfortunately the whole DOJ seems to have gone crazy. Right now I just have the for profit prison experience. I am wondering if the Federal system is just as jacked up. If so then we need to start becoming active in making change. When I sent a Christmas card to my son it was sent back twice. Once because I used a red sharpie marker to write with. The next card was sent back because it had glitter on it. To be honest, I get it, I might have been sending drugs on the red or glittery part of the card. Until this experience, I wouldn't have been that creative but I suppose others are. So if the prison is going to be that picky about a Christmas card, then I think they could use that attention to detail to stop the other stuff and develop programs to help inmates from becoming repeat offenders.
http://www.salon.com/2013/09/23/6_shocking_revelations_about_how_private_prisons_make_money_partner/
I found this article to be really informative.
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/12/05/trump-sets-private-prisons-free
This article describes how it all works.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
YouTube Vidoe...Great Stuff
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao8L-0nSYzg
A friend shot me this on facebook and I have heard this before but thought I would share it with the rest of you.
https://www.samhsa.gov/programs-campaigns
I found this and am currently looking into this site.
https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/trends-statistics
A friend shot me this on facebook and I have heard this before but thought I would share it with the rest of you.
https://www.samhsa.gov/programs-campaigns
I found this and am currently looking into this site.
https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/trends-statistics
Monday, March 20, 2017
Alternative Treatments
In my initial post I mentioned alternative drugs. I want to focus on Ayahauasca in this article and will be posting several sites that you can investigate. Keep in mind that I am learning right along with you all. It would be great if in your own reading you could post things that you find of interest. Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot known about this vine and it is usually administered in South America. I am NOT suggesting that we start having mass Ayahuasca parties to treat our loved ones, however, I do think that it should be researched. Now that will mean some Dr. trekking down there and learning how to make it. There are a few Drs. I know that I would pay good money to see doing that. One in particular admitted to being in the Air Force, an officer, in Germany doing field exercises and the officers burned down their tent trying to start the wood stove. The Drs.
If the research can be done, I don't see why it shouldn't be like any other drug. Even if this is something that would have to be administered in-patient to monitor vitals. There would also have to be a protocol for how to counter-act the effects, if needs be. Also from this first article, I would think they would need to learn from several of the medicine men. This would account for mild to severe reactions to the ayahausca ceremony. I suppose then it would be a matter of finding the effective median range. AND, for Gods Sake keep it out of big pharma's ability to charge 100's of thousands of dollars for it. Well, enough of my random thoughts, let me know yours. Updates will follow.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/shortcuts/2014/apr/28/ayahuasca-celebrities-usage-hallucinogenic-substance-death-british-teenager-Colombia
http://www.aya2014.com/en/2014/06/eight-myths-about-ayahuasca-debunked/
http://highexistence.com/cutting-edge-law-in-new-zealand-can-mean-the-beginning-of-cognitive-liberty-and-kickstart-the-psychedelic-renaissance/
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2017/03/24/Prescription-weight-loss-drug-may-help-with-opioid-addiction/6301490373701/
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2017/03/22/addiction-study-shows-we-might-be-completely-wrong-about-what-causes-it/
https://www.sovhealth.com/addiction/german-scientists-developing-painkillers-without-negative-effects/
If the research can be done, I don't see why it shouldn't be like any other drug. Even if this is something that would have to be administered in-patient to monitor vitals. There would also have to be a protocol for how to counter-act the effects, if needs be. Also from this first article, I would think they would need to learn from several of the medicine men. This would account for mild to severe reactions to the ayahausca ceremony. I suppose then it would be a matter of finding the effective median range. AND, for Gods Sake keep it out of big pharma's ability to charge 100's of thousands of dollars for it. Well, enough of my random thoughts, let me know yours. Updates will follow.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/shortcuts/2014/apr/28/ayahuasca-celebrities-usage-hallucinogenic-substance-death-british-teenager-Colombia
http://www.aya2014.com/en/2014/06/eight-myths-about-ayahuasca-debunked/
http://highexistence.com/cutting-edge-law-in-new-zealand-can-mean-the-beginning-of-cognitive-liberty-and-kickstart-the-psychedelic-renaissance/
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2017/03/24/Prescription-weight-loss-drug-may-help-with-opioid-addiction/6301490373701/
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2017/03/22/addiction-study-shows-we-might-be-completely-wrong-about-what-causes-it/
https://www.sovhealth.com/addiction/german-scientists-developing-painkillers-without-negative-effects/
Emmanuel Jal
https://www.facebook.com/EmmanuelJal/?pnref=story
I am posting this so that we can all see how much the Arts can help us overcome tragedy. I found his story and music to be an inspiration and I hope you will too.
Have a Blessed Day!
I am posting this so that we can all see how much the Arts can help us overcome tragedy. I found his story and music to be an inspiration and I hope you will too.
Have a Blessed Day!
International Day of Peace
Just a reminder that The International Day of Peace is Tuesday, March 21st. This is an annual event where cities all around the world come together for peace and ceasefire. Since so many of our veterans have problems with addiction I hope we can come together for one day and send prayers up to our Creator for peace. In addition, I would also like us to pray for justice because without justice you cannot have peace.
As with so many addicts, the issue with my son is relapsing. This weekend was a bummer. My son was to spend the weekend with his daughter. After all the goodies were gotten, she was bored and wanted go home. Of course my son was devastated. He woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. At this point I'm not sure he used, I guess we will find out if they did a UA on him. It really doesn't matter since he's on probation and isn't supposed to drink. Later in the week I guess we will find out if there are to be any repercussions.
I had a feeling that something was going to happen. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and knew whatever it was, it had already happened. Now in all honesty, I probably have been conditioned to it, but I hoped that I was wrong. There are people who can just turn their backs after so long; I haven't gotten there yet. Don't get me wrong if my child show up at my home in that condition, I will take them to rehab or if they get belligerent I will call the police, but that is mainly for the protection of everyone involved. At this point I would rather know. The day may come when I no longer feel that way, so please understand that I am not criticizing the family members who have had enough. It's a hard and emotional journey.
Have A Blessed Day!
As with so many addicts, the issue with my son is relapsing. This weekend was a bummer. My son was to spend the weekend with his daughter. After all the goodies were gotten, she was bored and wanted go home. Of course my son was devastated. He woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. At this point I'm not sure he used, I guess we will find out if they did a UA on him. It really doesn't matter since he's on probation and isn't supposed to drink. Later in the week I guess we will find out if there are to be any repercussions.
I had a feeling that something was going to happen. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and knew whatever it was, it had already happened. Now in all honesty, I probably have been conditioned to it, but I hoped that I was wrong. There are people who can just turn their backs after so long; I haven't gotten there yet. Don't get me wrong if my child show up at my home in that condition, I will take them to rehab or if they get belligerent I will call the police, but that is mainly for the protection of everyone involved. At this point I would rather know. The day may come when I no longer feel that way, so please understand that I am not criticizing the family members who have had enough. It's a hard and emotional journey.
Have A Blessed Day!
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Culture of Resistance and Use the Arts in Treating Addiction
I recently watched a documentary called, "Culture of Resistance," by Caipirinha Productions, and has been playing on Free Speech TV. The film travels to several countries that have been war torn and shows how they are using the Arts to tell their stories. There were cartoonists, poets, all types of musicians, and obviously film makers, all with the goals of telling their history, telling of what they witnessed, telling of injustices and to promote peace. Not only are these people recording the history, they are in their communities teaching children, teaching women trades, or teaching the Culture of Resistance and what that means. The one comment that sticks in my mind was the elderly woman who counseled her country to accept love so that hate will never again enter their country. There was a man making gun guitars out of AK-47's. I would highly recommend this documentary. But while I was watching I wondered if the Arts could help in dealing with the effects of addiction. I mean if countries like Rwanda and the Congo are finding positive results, then why not.
Now I want to make it clear I am not talking about being in a psychiatric unit and making a wallet, unless you enjoy leather working. I can tell you that there is a difference between a crafting project, that you don't really want to do, and using the Arts to tell your story. No, these projects will be hard to see, read, or hear for those of us who have loved ones that are addicted, but if it is to be of any success it needs to reflect the reality of what addicts go through. At the same time the emotional trauma that the families have gone through needs to be given the same attention. That is also part of the Culture of Resistance; all people need representation if healing is to be accomplished.
So I would like to put out to the community to send us songs, stories, poems, pictures of you artwork, photographs you have taken. For those who may not feel they have talent, cooking, woodworking, and working with textiles are art forms too. Send us a recipe or a how to video. Pseudonyms are fine and you don't need to use names if writing a story. There is no deadline so no pressure there. Just send whatever you already have or start something today. Hope to see some interesting stuff
Now I want to make it clear I am not talking about being in a psychiatric unit and making a wallet, unless you enjoy leather working. I can tell you that there is a difference between a crafting project, that you don't really want to do, and using the Arts to tell your story. No, these projects will be hard to see, read, or hear for those of us who have loved ones that are addicted, but if it is to be of any success it needs to reflect the reality of what addicts go through. At the same time the emotional trauma that the families have gone through needs to be given the same attention. That is also part of the Culture of Resistance; all people need representation if healing is to be accomplished.
So I would like to put out to the community to send us songs, stories, poems, pictures of you artwork, photographs you have taken. For those who may not feel they have talent, cooking, woodworking, and working with textiles are art forms too. Send us a recipe or a how to video. Pseudonyms are fine and you don't need to use names if writing a story. There is no deadline so no pressure there. Just send whatever you already have or start something today. Hope to see some interesting stuff
Friday, March 17, 2017
Hello, my name is Katie and I am starting this blog so that we can begin a conversation about addiction. I am the mother of two addicted, thirty-something, children. After years of trying to understand and cope with it on my own, it's time to open up and try to find answers. Oh, I tried counseling, but got discouraged when my counselor almost dozed off. Recently, both of the kids went sideways and I used journaling to help ease the emotional stress. Not only did I come to understand how I felt, but why and how I needed to deal with the situation. During this time of reflection, I wondered if others might be willing to share their own experiences.
The number of individuals affected by addiction in this country is frightening, and can no longer be viewed as anything but an epidemic. So many times parents don't speak out for fear of being judged. Personally, I have been dealing with this for so long that I don't care who thinks what any more. Maybe if people do speak up we can help others to avoid some the pitfalls we fell into. As parents of addicted children, we are all in varying stages of emotional recovery. The first person we tend to blame is ourselves, no matter how many times our children and others tell us it's not our fault. I say, "as parents," but the sad reality is that addiction transcends every demographic in this country: black/white, wealthy/poor, straight/gay, and young/old. The reality is many children are having to care for their parents and younger siblings because of addiction. Grandparents are raising their grandchildren. One that I am very familiar with is not knowing for months on end where they are or if they are alive.
It is my hope that we might get recovering addicts and mental health/addiction professionals to join us in this discussion. The only way forward, that I can see, is to begin the honest, open, and probably painful conversation. Not only do we need to talk to heal but we need to listen. We must be ready to change how we treat addiction, we know that what is currently being done isn't working. Perhaps, we need to treat the whole family instead of just the addict. Please understand, I am not any kind of expert, only a parent of addicted children who would like to make a difference. My goal here is to get more answers, get more tools to help us cope, and bring this community together. Together, we will have a much louder voice and we can begin to demand results from our mental health professionals and social reform from our government.
Not only can we banned together to affect change in the legislation and the mental health community. By doing the research we can become the experts and sources of information. We cannot ignore what has and is working in other countries. If we become knowledgeable enough and strong enough politically the legislators will not be able to ignore us. Some ideas may seem progressive but I urge us all to look at the statistics and data. In the interest of transparency, I am for legalizing marijuana, for a multitude of reasons. Why not use it to treat PTSD and addiction; for those two issues often go hand in hand. There are many different non-traditional medicines, Ayahauasca or Iboga. Yes, both of these are interesting options, but I do feel that they need much more exploration. Why not set up needle exchanges in all county health departments? If we have any hope for our loved ones, then we mustn't fail them in addressing the health risks of needle sharing...are we willing to risk HEP C or AIDES?
The bottom line is, if we banned together we can find solutions. Solutions for the parent who lays awake at night wondering what can or could I have done. Solutions for the children who are having to care for addicted parents and raising their siblings. Solutions for the addict who is homeless and in need of shelter, medicines, or help with rehab. We may find that this is a series of solutions depending upon recovery stages. We must be willing to move away from failed programs and embrace new programs that do work, willing to set aside pre-conceived ideas that have been proven false, and willing to see erroneous attitudes we ourselves may have held toward addiction.
The idea behind this article is to communicate. We have been silent long enough and now is the time to break that silence, come together, discover tools to help us cope, and just perhaps get strong enough to affect legislative changes. In our own way we have all been through hell. Please let's keep this positive, if I have an idea that sucks, then tell me why it sucks...explain why you strongly disagree. This is NOT for families to hash out their issues like I have seen on social media. I realize there are many facets to addiction and no ones' story is the same and it is my sincere hope that we can deal with a good many issues on this blog. If there is a topic of interest to you please feel free to request information. If you have information please share it with us all. I will be the first to admit that I have been trying different things that haven't worked. I'm out of ideas and am at the point of, "What do I have to loose." All I do know is, if anything is going to get done, we, the people of this community will have to do it.
Sincerely
Katie
Katie
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