Patience

My son called me today and in the course of the conversation, my son called into question my dependability.  Now at my age I can forget, for a day but it never caused late fees or any other repercussions.  To be honest I have been making lists of things to do for several years.  That is why I set the day to do things a couple of days in advance in case life or my memory get in the way. 

My initial reaction was to get a little pissy, but then it crash landed on my head.  I have my son, alive, to get pissy with. He is doing pretty good all things considered.  I am proud of him, but if you read one of the previous posts, it's waiting for the other shoe to fall and praying to our higher power that it doesn't. 

I would like to tell addicts that as far down in their addiction they went, so did their families.  There are days that I am taking it one minute at a time.  Some days are pretty stable, then others are a rollercoaster ride, then some are a combination of both..  It isn't so much as to what happens, but the emotional reactions to what happens.  There have literally been days where I was so proud one minute and ready to reach through the phone and shake the shit out of one of my kids the next. 

Other emotions range from fear for your child to sorrow that they are walking this path and as adults there is very little I can do.  Thoughts run through your head what can I do, what should I do as a parent and finally what should I do as a responsible citizen.  Yes, I have turned my son in.  In all honesty I cannot claim it was tough love.  I was trying to get him off the street.  As my kids would say, "that's messed up." 

The only thing I hope we can accomplish upon recovery is to remember the times we all got frustrated, angry, or hurt but we were still there in the end.  We all made it, maybe a little battered and bruised but in tact and a family.  The only way I know to get there is to try and be patient with my kids and husband.  Keep up with my quiet time so I can process information.  I am currently going to be doing the yard work and a garden.

During all the outside time, the dogs love it.  This gives me time to work on their obedience and boundaries.  Since all the yard work and things, I hope to post at least on Friday's.  That is a day I have given myself permission to take the day for me...somewhat anyway.

Sincerely
Love and Prayers to you all
Katie