Then:
I got to thinking and I realized that I am at the end of what I can deal with. After years of dealing with this shit, I can't do this anymore. They say that God or your higher power never gives you more than you can handle. I sure hope that is true because the way I feel now, it has to get better. So I am going to start journaling this whole experience. Maybe when reviewing I can see what works and what doesn't.
Both kids are addicts, one is currently in county jail and the other has relapsed for the third time. Both have children, which I worry about.
Now:
I still have some of the same anxieties. I wonder how this plays out in the mind of the addict. Understand I don't mean any disrespect, I truly want to learn. My kids call me hippie and tree hugger, and, yes, I am. But I do want to try to understand from someone who has walked in those shoes. I have my own demons and I do understand the ,"AWWW to hell with it," attitude.
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