Interesting Reading

http://heroinlivinganddying.com/category/excerpts-from-the-book/

Down the Rabbit Hole

Then:
As it turns out, I have quite a lot to say about the kids.  What does it say that I would rather go to Standing Rock and risk getting shot with a water cannon or rubber bullets or have dogs attacking me, than help my kids right now.  Each one of my children are the first to criticize their siblings. 

Now:
I don't feel quite so dramatic now.  At the time there were so many things going on at once.  Of course being critical of the other saying well I may do this but I don't do that.  The this and that's just get wilder and wilder as we go down this rabbit hole.  I have heard some pretty wild crap over the years.

• Their kids need medical care
• Their kids need medicine
• Homelessness
• Assaulted
• Kidnapped
• They're really sick with a serious disease

The one child that was in the county jail called, supposedly sick.  I have not heard if it's true or not and I find myself hoping that it was just another lie.  If my child is alive at least I have hope no matter how small a glimmer.

Wow, the Last Month has Been a Bitch

Then:
I got to thinking and I realized that I am at the end of what I can deal with.  After years of dealing with this shit, I can't do this anymore.  They say that God or your higher power never gives you more than you can handle.  I sure hope that is true because the way I feel now, it has to get better.  So I am going to start journaling this whole experience.  Maybe when reviewing I can see what works and what doesn't.

Both kids are addicts, one is currently in county jail and the other has relapsed for the third time.  Both have children, which I worry about.

Now:
I still have some of the same anxieties.  I wonder how this plays out in the mind of the addict.  Understand I don't mean any disrespect, I truly want to learn.  My kids call me hippie and tree hugger, and, yes, I am.  But I do want to try to understand from someone who has walked in those shoes.  I have my own demons and I do understand the ,"AWWW to hell with it," attitude.

Why Post to This Blog

I asked myself, "Why would people confide things on my blog or even participate?"  After a bit I decided to open up more on the blog.  I will be posting some of my older journaling.  My goal is to show what my journey was like and how I felt at the time.  Understand that I will not be sharing names or extremely sensitive information.  I would recommend that any potential comments refrain as well.  There will be posts on how I have changed my views or not and try to explain how I got here.

My political opinions or groups that I support are just that, MINE. 

Let me be perfectly clear that my posts will be edited so that the posts only reflect my opinion.  I will do my best to filter out any assumed opinions or how others felt.  The only person I can represent is myself and do not presume to know what is going on in someone else's mind.  Public assumptions can lead to feelings of accusation and I feel would inhibit true communication.

It is my hope that we can all talk to each other in a positive manner.  And, I do reserve the right to block those who seek to be disruptive or disrespectful.  If you think I'm stupid, then tell me why.

Sincerely,
Katie